I took a leap of faith and entered a whole new world of senior living.
My name is Melissa Block, and I’m the Community Connections Specialist here at The Cedars of Austin.
My early career in life was in food & beverage and retail—everything from managing retail departments, restaurants, bars, and banquets. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of it all but found myself wanting something more purposeful in life. One day, I saw an ad for an Activities Director position at a senior living community. I knew the Sales Director who worked there and asked her, “Do you think I might be good at that?” she quickly said, “YES, you are kind, creative, quirky, and patient. I think you will do great.”
I took a leap of faith and entered a whole new world of senior assisted living and memory care as an Activity Director. I quickly took to all my new friends, aka residents. I enjoyed learning about them and what they could teach me as well.
I found myself getting really close to 1 resident right from the start. Agnes was my sidekick and helper. She helped me learn my new job and made me feel so welcome. I was having a blast! Then, after a month of working in this community, I came to work, and they told me that she had passed peacefully in the night. I was devastated! I remember thinking to myself, why? I don’t know if I can handle this! I have dealt with a lot of death in my life from family and friends, but this just seemed different; I didn’t know how to process it. I had a coworker ask, “Wow, you are taking this hard. Are you ok?” I said, “No, I can’t believe she passed away; I’m not sure I can handle this.” The coworker asked, “Did you think she was going to live forever?” My reply was, “Yes. When taking this job, I didn’t even think that they would pass away. We were having so much fun.” My coworker said, “Well, just think how much enjoyment, laughter, and fun you brought into Agnes’s last month of her life.” I did a lot of soul-searching and decided, yes, that is what I want to do: bring that enjoyment, love, laughter, and purpose to seniors!
I quickly fell in love with those living with dementia in memory care. Each day was always a new day of the unexpected. I hadn’t known anyone with dementia before starting there. I had heard about it, but it was a whole new realm as well. I did a lot of training; most were hands-on and in the moment. I wanted to find out more. Why do they do what they do, say, or don’t do? Some call them “behaviors.”
While on vacation, on the beach in one of my happy places, I read a book on “Validation for the Soul,” kind of like Chicken Soup for the Soul. Short stories of how the Validation Method helped them and their loved ones with dementia. I laughed. I cried. I empathized and wanted to know more about the Validation Method. I got back and did some research. There was a class to begin in the fall to become a Certified Validation Worker!
What is Validation, you may ask? “Validation theory explains that many (very) old disoriented people, who are often diagnosed as having Alzheimer type dementia, are in the final stage of life, trying to resolve unfinished issues in order to die in peace. Their final struggle is important, and we, as caregivers, can help them. Using Validation techniques, we offer disoriented older adults an opportunity to express what they wish to express, whether it is verbal or non-verbal communication. Validation practitioners are caring, non-judgmental, and open to the feelings that are expressed. When disoriented older adults can express the things that have often been suppressed for many years, the intensity of the feelings lessen, people communicate more and are less likely to withdraw into further stages of disorientation.”
It was the best nine months of schooling!! It helped me open my eyes to where they may be in their life timeline, put more tools in my tool belt to help untangle those struggles, and validate their feelings, digging deeper into their emotions and meanings. It is all about “opening that can of worms” (was our class motto). Some of those emotions/feelings have been suppressed for a long time, and with dementia, those memories may be coming back and need to be “resolved.” Sometimes, they can be great memories, and sometimes not.
We had to do a 6-week case study on someone living with dementia. I picked “Betty”. “Betty” was often very teary and sad, had a slouched posture and shuffle gait, and was always looking for someone. I remember “Betty” sitting by the baby nursery area in a corner, crying and rocking a life-like baby doll in the rocker. I got down on my knees, looked up at her, and asked,” Betty, you are crying. That makes me sad. Can I sit with you?” “Yes,” with tears coming down. I asked, “What is the baby’s name you are holding?” a few moments went by as she continued to rock back and forth. She muttered Theresa. “She is beautiful. How old is she?” moments later, she replied, “Don’t let them take her away again.” Knowing her personal history, she had three daughters, but none were named Theresa. The family had said that she had a baby when she was 17, and her parents made her give the baby up for adoption. She was still hanging onto that loss and needed to resolve those feelings. Together, we spent a lot of time asking questions about all the suppressed emotions she had back then and was told not to express them. The life-like baby Theresa brought much joy to “Betty” over time. At first, she would cry a lot with her, but in the end, she had that baby with her all the time, singing, laughing, and telling stories to her. “Betty” changed. She was happier, hardly cried, smiled more, sang more, sat straighter, no longer shuffled gait, and was very proud of her baby Theresa. She was finally able to express those emotions and resolve them because she felt validated as we “opened that can of worms” to untangle.
About five years ago, I switched my role from Activity Director to Sales Director. This was another leap of faith and wanting to challenge myself in a new role of helping families and their loved ones discover what Assisted Living or Memory Care is all about. It can be a scary and a blessing all at the same time. I am honored to be here to help guide and be a resource for those entering the senior living world. My 17 years of experience as an Activities Director and personal experiences have helped me in this role.
I have met so many wonderful seniors, families, and coworkers over the years. They all have a special place in my heart. Yes, I will admit that I had/have favorites. But I feel so blessed to have been part of so many journeys over the years. It has shaped and inspired me for who I am today. I continue to strive to live by the Golden Rule.
Thank you to Shawn, the Sales Director of the first community I worked for, for giving me the confidence and support to enter a field I once knew nothing about. Twenty-two later, I am still in senior living and still LOVE IT!
