How I Got Hooked into Senior Living

I honestly never thought I would get into the assisted living field. I never even considered senior living as a career option. I always wanted to be an archeologist. I considered senior living to be a dismal and discouraging but greatly needed fact of life — just one I didn’t want to be a part of. Let me explain. My grandmother went to a nursing home after my mother could no longer care for her in our home. I was 12 years old, and my memory of going to visit my grandmother was not pleasant. I walked into a depressing place where people were slumped over in their wheelchairs. There was no music. No staff. No laughter. No conversation. They grabbed at my arms and legs as I entered and left. I went to my grandmother’s room, where she was sitting in a corner by herself with a roommate who was moaning in bed. There was no music, and the TV was not on — just silence and what appeared to be someone who was in pain. My grandmother was a former shell of herself. She didn’t want to engage in conversation. She had given up. I ran out of the nursing home crying and telling my mother I could never go back because it was too depressing. I realize now that most people living there craved attention, conversation, and a sense of purpose.

I worked for many years in family-owned businesses, from property management to hotel management. We had four beautiful children, but it became apparent that I should work for a company that would provide us with affordable health insurance.

I applied at an Assisted Living/Memory Care establishment. This was when job opportunities were few, and the competition was stiff. The position required my management skill set, so I thought it would be a good fit. They hired me, and I was thrilled. I learned that my office was in the middle of the Memory Care building, with doors on both sides so the residents could cut through the office. It was THEIR home, after all.

I will admit my first couple of weeks were very difficult as I had never been around someone with dementia, let alone 26 residents at all different levels. I was consumed with what an awful disease it was and the fear of getting it. As I got to know the residents, I realized that, for the most part, they were in their own happy world. There were lots of activities and well-trained staff. It became clear that this was harder on the family members.

There were so many wonderful residents, with one in particular named Norma. She had my heart! I loved that she was always smiling, laughing, and happy to see us. She loved to sing and dance with anyone who was nearby. I loved Norma. I thought if I ever got dementia, I hoped I was just like her. As Norma’s disease progressed, she lost the ability to speak. She would try her best to muster the words, but none could be understood. At the time, I was going through a lot in my personal life. I would say I was in a dark place. My faith had always been important to me, but I was beginning to doubt whether it was ever real or if I was just playing a part. It was devastating for me! On the 3rd day of feeling like this, I went into the office, put my belongings on my desk, turned around, and saw Norma standing in the middle of my office. She looked at me and took my face into her kind and gentle hands. She looked at me and said with clarity, “You are a child of God.” I burst into tears and said, “Norma, you have no idea what you just did for me.” Then, she was back to not being able to talk.

Norma passed away. I went to the wake to express my condolences and thank the family for sharing their beloved mother with us. Her daughter had stated that her mother’s faith had always been very important to her. Her daughter stated that her husband would get a little freaked out by how much Norma would speak about her faith. I shared the story about her mother and my journey. I told Norma’s daughter that I know Memory Care is the last place anyone would want to see their loved one. However, her mother was there for me that day for that particular purpose. We shared a loving hug and grateful tears that we both knew a beautiful soul.

Years later, while attending a convention for my company, the new theme was How I Got Hooked into Senior Living, where we were encouraged to share our stories. I shared my Norma story, which is How I Got Hooked into Senior Living. I found it interesting that years later, the owner of The Cedars had used this phrase years before one of the largest senior living providers found it important to understand why folks get into this field. Since I started working with folks with dementia and finding the joy of seeing them every day, I have never looked back and knew that this is exactly where I wanted to be. I love being a part of the lives of our residents and families. I love to share stories. I love to see their smiling faces and laughter. They bring me so much joy, and I hope to do the same for them.

Mary Barajas
Executive Director
The Cedars of Austin